Evaluations for Queer Women Using Donor Sperm
Building your family as a queer couple is exciting, beautiful, and deeply personal. At the same time, the process often comes with extra steps that straight couples don’t have to think about. One of those steps is a required consultation with a mental health professional before you can move forward with treatment using donor sperm.
If you’re just starting out, you may be wondering: What does this evaluation mean? Why do we need it? What should we expect? Let’s walk through it together.
Ways Queer Couples Conceive With Donor Sperm
There are a few different paths to pregnancy when using donor sperm. The best option depends on your fertility health, preferences, and your doctor’s recommendations. Some common approaches include:
At-home insemination – Some couples try insemination at home using purchased donor sperm.
IUI (intrauterine insemination) – A clinic procedure where sperm is placed directly into the uterus during ovulation.
IVF (in vitro fertilization) – Eggs are retrieved, fertilized in the lab, and embryos are transferred into the uterus.
Reciprocal IVF – One partner provides the eggs, and the other carries the pregnancy. This option can be a beautiful way for both partners to feel physically connected to the process.
No matter which route you choose, if you’re using donor sperm (or any third-party gamete like donor eggs), most clinics will require you to meet with a therapist for a consultation.
Why Do Queer Couples Need a Mental Health Evaluation?
Here’s the truth: straight couples don’t need a letter from a therapist to conceive on their own. So yes, this requirement can feel unfair at first glance.
But a good reproductive therapist is not a gatekeeper. The purpose of the consultation isn’t to “approve” or “deny” your ability to parent. Instead, it’s about providing education, support, and space to think through some important questions:
How do we feel about donor anonymity?
How will we share our child’s story with them as they grow up?
What do we want extended family to know, and how will we talk about it?
How do we align if one of us values certain donor traits and the other prioritizes affordability?
This conversation is about preparing you—not policing you.
What to Expect in a Donor Sperm Consultation
During your consultation, we’ll talk through:
Your relationship history and plans for parenting together.
Your values, hopes, and any concerns about the donor process.
Questions about communication, both within your relationship and with your future child.
Best practices recommended by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM).
Afterward, I’ll provide your clinic with a letter (sent securely) stating that you’ve had the consultation and are ready to move forward with donor conception.
A Personal Note
I love doing these consultations with queer couples. Every single couple I’ve worked with has walked away learning something valuable—whether it was about how to talk to their child about being donor conceived, how to navigate family questions, or how to feel more confident in their donor choices.
This isn’t about judgment. It’s about giving you the knowledge, support, and space you deserve as you build your family.
You’re in Good Hands
LGBTQ family building comes with unique challenges, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. With a reproductive mental health specialist, you’ll feel seen, supported, and prepared for the journey ahead.
If you’re ready to start your family with donor sperm, let’s make sure you have the information and confidence you need.
Learn more about Third-Party Reproductive Counseling Services